2025 ♡

Hi there! It has been a while since I last posted here. My previous post was actually published on 16th September 2021, which is approximately 4 years, 2 months, and 12 days ago, as confirmed by Copilot. Back in 2021, I don't think Copilot, ChatGPT, or Gemini even existed. Based on my own research, ChatGPT was released on 30th November 2022. Copilot was released as Bing Chat on 7th February 2023, whereas Gemini was publicly launched on 8th February 2024. Time flies, huh? Anyway, I just feel like posting here again. I really missed expressing my feelings through writing. I remember that I would always come here whenever I felt depressed. I mean, you can kinda tell from my previous posts that I used this platform to just vent my feelings out, mostly during bad days. Recently, I've been reminiscing about the good old days. I just wish that I could turn back time, but I couldn't bear to go through certain things, and even if I could change them to be better, I probably wouldn't be able to reach this version of me if I had them all changed. Thanks to those experiences that molded me to be this version of my very own self. But enough about that. I'm here to talk about my 2025, what I've learned throughout the year. Honestly, 2025 started off well to the point where I feel scared that I might get hurt later. But I was indeed right about it because it was just too good to be true. I was tested at the beginning of the year. I honestly thought that someone whom I used to call the love of my life would end up being my life partner, but Allah's plan is far better than mine. I'm sure God heard things that I don't, and so I decided to call it quits. I knew it had to be done a long time ago, but I just don't have the guts to do it. Thanks to my years of experience in being resilient, I survived the pain. It was definitely not easy, especially when I had to pretend that I was fine, though I was literally dying inside. I wouldn't say that I'm fully healed, but I'm getting there, or just getting used to feeling that way. Well, that is just one of the bad chapters in my 2025 book. So many things happened this year that taught me so much about relationships, friendships, and life. I always care for people in ways that they don't even realize, and I got walked over and trampled on. Honestly, it was very painful because I never thought they would do such a thing. After all that I've done for them, even the little things, but this is what I get in return. Some would say that it was not even a big deal, but I don't care what anyone says because this is a very big deal to me. Ensuring that I'm surrounded by genuine and supportive people is a very big deal to me. Truthfully, it still hurts to this day because I swear I cared so much about those people. It might not seem like I do, but I always wished the best for them until I realized their true intentions towards me. After all, actions speak louder than any words ever could. I stopped, I closed that book. I wouldn't say that I cut ties, but I prefer to not be as close to them as I was before. The privileges they had with me are no longer available. I'm no longer the person I was before. I still choose kindness, though, but only for the ones who are truly deserving of it. Life is short, you gotta remove the pretentious ones. I got so many other things to think of, so this had to be removed instantly. But I'm grateful for everything that happened. It is definitely an eye-opener. Alhamdulillah for the lesson! No more next time, once should be enough. I could not summarize everything that happened this year in this one post, but I think this is good enough. If you reach the end of this post, I wanna say thank you for getting here. Thanks for spending your precious time reading my random life rants. Anyway, I'll see you when I see you (when I feel like posting one, I mean the previous post was like 4 years ago, so yeah, no promises)

Junior ♥

Hi there! It has been a while since I last update. My previous post was in January. A lot of things happened recently. I can't really say 2021 was my best year since I had major loss this year. I lost so many this year, I didn't know how to feel anymore. Our family's first loss was Junior, my 15 years old cat. He was feeling unwell since last year in December. I brought him to the vet and the doctor confirmed that he was diagnosed with "Feline panleukopenia virus" which is also known as parvovirus. There was a cure for the virus but we figured it out much later that it had gotten worse, and at the time we figured out about the virus, it was already at stage four. I tried my best to take good care of Junior. At first, he didn't want to consume any food nor water. But I insisted on him, gave him the medicines doctor have provided. Soon after that, he began to seem healthier. I was happy because there was progress. But then, things just got worse because he then stopped consuming everything. He became so weak to the point he was paralyzed. The image of him trying to come to me when he was paralyzed is still lingering in my mind. I felt terrible for not being able to do anything at the time. One night, I decided to not sleep as I was accompanying him and constantly checking on him to see how he was doing. He was extremely weak but still wanting to talk to me which makes feel even sadder. Later on, the next day, was the last time I get to see him. He passed away in the noon. I was extremely broken as I cried the whole week. I was trying to feel better but it was just not easy for me at the time. I lost my 15-year-old cat... Junior has always been a special cat to me. He was actually born from my dearest cat, Kibu which passed away due to an infection in her stomach. I still remember I promised her to take good care of her children on the day she passed away. Junior is our home-born cat, which is why he will always be special to us. At least, to me. I admit that I always paid more attention to Junnie. Till this day, I'm still feeling empty. I feel like everything I love is being taken away... 

2021 ❤

Hi people! ❤

It has been a year since I last update. My previous post was on the month of August in 2019. I guess I must've been really busy or literally depressed. As everyone is concerned, we all have been affected by COVID-19. A lot of things have changed. This pandemic has been affecting everyone from all around the world. It must have been hard but I'm sure most of you got through it. No matter how hard it was, please know that you got through it and that is all that matters. You've been strong physically, mentally and emotionally. Not gonna lie, it was hard for me as well, mostly mentally and emotionally. I went through so much last year. I had my ups and downs but mostly downs. I could say I had more tears than joy last year but I'm glad that phase was over. I kinda wanna summarize what happened last year that I almost reached rock bottom but I feel like there's a reason it was meant to be in the past and it shall remain that way. I dont think bringing it up now. Some things are better left unsaid. Those hard times were hard to swallow, but they sure became eye-opener for me. It made me realize a lot of things. I finally had my senses back and realize what I needed to do for myself. I'm actually glad that I went through to all that because I matured so much from what happened. I believe everything happens for a reason and I'm sure there's good to it. Sometimes, certain things may not happen accordingly the way we want them, but Allah's plans are far better than our dreams, therefore all we need is faith. Isnt it scary? To not know what is going to happen in the future but still, we choose to believe. Why do we choose to believe? Because without strength from Allah, we wouldnt even be able to go through our rough days in life. I feel like all we need is a little hope, that everything will eventually turn out great. I had so much in my mind. I want to do a lot of things. I want to be able to learn new things and try something new. Something that is out of my comfort zone. I just want to improve myself and make sure that I grow up as a better person. I want to have good thoughts even during bad days. Even though things may be different now, but I believe better days are coming. After rain comes a rainbow. Let's just have some faith and hope, shall we? May 2021 be a better year for all of us. A year of realization ❤

Life update ❤

Hi everyone! It has been a while since I last update. For those who still take some of your precious time to read my pointless post, thank you :) I'm sorry for not posting as often as I should. I have so much to update, I dont even know where to start huhu. Hm, first of all, I finished my semesters and is currently doing my internship until the end of November. I hope for everything to go well, I hope Allah ease everything. & of course I've been thru hard times while I was trying to finish my fifth which happens to be my last semester. So many things happened. It turns out to be worse than I thought it would be. Some who were with me from the beginning begins to go farther away from me. Tbvh, it did hurt me internally but I believe it is for the best. I lose so much, I cant even count. Broken friendships, bonds, relationships and the worst part is, I lose myself too. I was too busy trying to love someone, trying so hard to understand someone else, I DIDNT realize I was neglecting my well-being. That is the worst thing I ever did to myself. I was in unbearable pain, the pain was too much for me to handle. I keep telling myself to be strong, I was hopeless, lonely and no one was really there for me to support spiritually. Imagine feeling lonely when you're surrounded by many people. The feeling when you're doubting yourself. The feeling when you feel like killing yourself just to end the pain. I was depressed for as long as I could remember. I DEFINITELY HATED myself at that time. I keep asking the Lord why I had to feel that way, why was it so hard for me when it was easy for other people. Why did I have to go thru such a painful journey? I kept asking at that time, why things never go my way. I cried my lungs out, I felt like giving up. But, I wanna thank myself for staying strong. I was thinking of doing an appreciation post for myself. I dont care what others will say about it. What I know is, I have Allah with me, and most importantly, my beloved family whom I love the most. My love life went downhill. The person I thought was going to be the last for me, turns out not. I had my hopes high, loved too much, put too much effort. I tried but if things doesnt want to work out, it just wont no matter how much I try. Maybe it was my fault when I looked for love thinking that it might the last for me. Probably I was being selfish for my own feelings. I think I'm gonna take a break from love. The only love I need at the moment is self-love. I want to be able to love myself first before I start to love anyone else. I stopped listening to music for as long as I could possibly remember due to heartbreaks. I was so broken that I lost myself. I thought I would never get over it but turns out I manage to get myself to go for another day. I kept myself busy so I wont have time to think of the unnecessary matters. I always thought to myself that he wasnt probably thinking of me any longer. Therefore I should stop. I know I deserve someone a hundred times better. I wish the "right one" will come at the most unexpected place in the most unexpected time. I promise I'll love him right as long as he doesnt the same thing. I will not repeat the same mistakes I did in the past, I wont be selfish any longer. My next & last one will be so lucky because I'll make sure he feels so loved that even during his bad days where he hate himself the most, he'll want to love himself because of the love and bond we have. I'm sure that day will come. The world's not perfect but it's not that bad. I believe eventually, things will get better :) Anyways, I just received my final semester result and guess what? I got the dean list again! I'm super grateful for what Allah has given. It is indeed true that Allah will give you more than you expect. Never underestimate the power of dua' and also the power of Allah SWT :) I hope what I dreamt of will come true! I'm thankful for what life has given and shown me, thank you for the hard times that made me stronger. It made me wiser and stronger & to always appreciate myself. Thank you dear self for staying strong. I love you no matter what happens, I promise you, whatever happens, I will always prioritize you first. You will always be enough, I promise you that. 

The beginning of new chapter

Hi everyone, it has been so long since I last update here. I mean it's not like you're interested in my life, but if you spend some time reading this post of mine, thank you. So, I technically just finished my degree but I have not yet finished my internship so I wouldnt say I have completed it (YET). I will be doing my internship for three months (supposedly) but the company requires me to do six months so no rest I guess but I'm so excited for a new experience. I know it will be tiring but hoping that I'll be strong enough to get thru it. Lately, life has not been treating me well. I know it's quite sad but I'm trying to be positive with everything that happens. I dont even wanna talk about it. I'd rather just let them remain untold. I think it is better that way. Anyways, after this, everything will be completely new and I will be in an environment where I am not familiar with. I hope I can adapt to new environments.

thank you

Hi there. I promised you two other post in my previous but I think I'll be postponing that later since I have exactly one week left before I start my last semester. So, there will be a lot of thank yous in this post. I'm just so thankful that life has been treating me well lately. I really that 2019 will be my comeback year. I really wanna do well this time. I dont wanna play no more. I think there's something in me that wants to do well, it's like "I'm all fired up". I wanna thank mom and dad for believing in me and supporting me in whatever I do. Without them, I dont know what I'd do. I promise to do better each times, and only I know whether I have improved or not. I feel like for previous semester, I've been lacking a lot, wasted a lot of time on unnecessary things. But this, I'm all for it. I'm making a comeback, I'll do my very best for my family and me, myself. By the end of 2018, I almost gave up. I was emotionally and mentally unstable. I keep blaming myself for whatever that was happening at that time. I was very emotional around that time. I lost hope and only a leap of faith that was left in me. I was surrounded by my lovely friends, but my mind seemed to wander around just like my soul. It's more like I miss the old me, the one who's always up to something new. I just wanted to end 2018 at that time. I could be telling hundreds of people how I feel but none of them would've understand. I'm just super thankful that God has made everything easier. I thank Allah for everything that happens, the good and the bad. I'm thankful. I couldnt thank enough. Thank you God for letting me be my old self again. Thank you for not giving up on me. Thank you for bringing these wonderful rainbows in my life after a horrendous storm. I thank you for always, always there to hear my rants from this sad soul. I dont wanna ask for much, I just wanna be strong while facing upcoming challenges and obstacles, and with You by my side. That is all I need. 

yo, life update here!

Hi there, it has been a long time since I last update. I believe the last time I posted was during my first week in semester four. Well, guess what? I've ended that semester and on my way to my freaking last semester! Super excited but scared at the same time. I'm actually waiting for my result which will be out next week. I am scared but still I have to face it. One thing for sure is that, I dont think this time, my result will be a major bomb because I did so bad last semester. I dont know why but my energy just drained drastically. I think I need help but no one was there so I just keep everything to myself. I cant really say that no one was there for me but probably because I dont have the guts to tell them how I really fee. Also, I learned a lot. I learn to not simply let anyone in your life. I guess that's the most important thing right now. I was super sad last semester. I think it's the saddest I've ever been. There's a story that I would like to share and put on this internet forever so when I forgot, I can read back and knew how I felt. That one is going to be in another post for sure because it's a long story. Anyways, my love life is getting better oh and another story from me as well, it was funny because the way we met is just, I dont know how to put it into words. I guess life really knows how to work things out. It's like a miracle to me, who would've known hahaha. I'm just gonna say that I'm grateful for whatever that has been happening to me lately. Also, I REALLY hope I dont fail any subjects hm bcs that would be bad.. Oh Allah, please let me pass all subjects with flying colorssss!