Life update ❤

Hi everyone! It has been a while since I last update. For those who still take some of your precious time to read my pointless post, thank you :) I'm sorry for not posting as often as I should. I have so much to update, I dont even know where to start huhu. Hm, first of all, I finished my semesters and is currently doing my internship until the end of November. I hope for everything to go well, I hope Allah ease everything. & of course I've been thru hard times while I was trying to finish my fifth which happens to be my last semester. So many things happened. It turns out to be worse than I thought it would be. Some who were with me from the beginning begins to go farther away from me. Tbvh, it did hurt me internally but I believe it is for the best. I lose so much, I cant even count. Broken friendships, bonds, relationships and the worst part is, I lose myself too. I was too busy trying to love someone, trying so hard to understand someone else, I DIDNT realize I was neglecting my well-being. That is the worst thing I ever did to myself. I was in unbearable pain, the pain was too much for me to handle. I keep telling myself to be strong, I was hopeless, lonely and no one was really there for me to support spiritually. Imagine feeling lonely when you're surrounded by many people. The feeling when you're doubting yourself. The feeling when you feel like killing yourself just to end the pain. I was depressed for as long as I could remember. I DEFINITELY HATED myself at that time. I keep asking the Lord why I had to feel that way, why was it so hard for me when it was easy for other people. Why did I have to go thru such a painful journey? I kept asking at that time, why things never go my way. I cried my lungs out, I felt like giving up. But, I wanna thank myself for staying strong. I was thinking of doing an appreciation post for myself. I dont care what others will say about it. What I know is, I have Allah with me, and most importantly, my beloved family whom I love the most. My love life went downhill. The person I thought was going to be the last for me, turns out not. I had my hopes high, loved too much, put too much effort. I tried but if things doesnt want to work out, it just wont no matter how much I try. Maybe it was my fault when I looked for love thinking that it might the last for me. Probably I was being selfish for my own feelings. I think I'm gonna take a break from love. The only love I need at the moment is self-love. I want to be able to love myself first before I start to love anyone else. I stopped listening to music for as long as I could possibly remember due to heartbreaks. I was so broken that I lost myself. I thought I would never get over it but turns out I manage to get myself to go for another day. I kept myself busy so I wont have time to think of the unnecessary matters. I always thought to myself that he wasnt probably thinking of me any longer. Therefore I should stop. I know I deserve someone a hundred times better. I wish the "right one" will come at the most unexpected place in the most unexpected time. I promise I'll love him right as long as he doesnt the same thing. I will not repeat the same mistakes I did in the past, I wont be selfish any longer. My next & last one will be so lucky because I'll make sure he feels so loved that even during his bad days where he hate himself the most, he'll want to love himself because of the love and bond we have. I'm sure that day will come. The world's not perfect but it's not that bad. I believe eventually, things will get better :) Anyways, I just received my final semester result and guess what? I got the dean list again! I'm super grateful for what Allah has given. It is indeed true that Allah will give you more than you expect. Never underestimate the power of dua' and also the power of Allah SWT :) I hope what I dreamt of will come true! I'm thankful for what life has given and shown me, thank you for the hard times that made me stronger. It made me wiser and stronger & to always appreciate myself. Thank you dear self for staying strong. I love you no matter what happens, I promise you, whatever happens, I will always prioritize you first. You will always be enough, I promise you that.