Hi there! How's life? Good? Mine was so-so. I always come here to express or share whenever I had something that bothers me. Yes, so here I am. I just had
a thought about life. Its almost 7 in the morning and I'm still awake doing revisions as I got a test coming up later. So, enough with that. Back to my thoughts. Yes, I have way too much on my mind and there's not a day where I dont think about these thoughts. What if I was destined to be alone? What if I'll never end up with anyone? I know it sounds cliche but that's what I feel right now. I cant seem to like anyone other than the one I know I could never possibly have. It's too impossible, I know. No matter how much I tell anyone how hard it was to end up with him, no one would understand. There are times where I feel like giving up for love. I no longer have hopes for love. Not that I dont have the love in me, I just dont know if I deserve it. I try to like someone else, I tried but I cant. Sometimes, it feels like I'm being cursed to only love him. I know I should put all these aside and focus on my studies. Degree life is tough and I hope I'll get thru it with flying colors. I have so much to achieve. I wonder if I really dont stand a chance with him or God knows I still have a long way to go, so is He trying to tell me that it's not time yet and that I should wait? Is He giving me space to grow to be even better? I'm confused. I love him and I know I cant have him but my real intention was to love him, even in silence. Even if I cant call him my own, even if I have to see him with another girl, I'm fine. Yes, it hurts, but it is what it is. It's not like I can change things. Or.., was it because I gave up too early. I know it may seem like I'm giving up by not doing anything and doesn't fight for what I feel, but I'd like to think that its the best for everyone around me. I'm hurting, each day by denying what I feel. I don't know how to voice out these feelings and sometimes I couldn't hold it any longer. I love him but there's nothing I could do. Maybe we don't stand a chance. I'm trying to open up to some people, but it's hard since my heart is still with someone else. I wish we end up with the people we love. I wish the people we love, loved us the way we loved them. The part where I am most concerned is that the feeling got deeper. Every single day, I fell deeper. How do I go back? How do I undo all the feelings? Hm.