road to final & love life?

Hi there. Yes, it has been a while but not too long I guess. Life has been treating me kind lately except that my skin is not getting clearer but I'm okay with that. Anyways, I am currently in my study week which I was assumed to be studying but here I am procrastinating like a pro. The mood is there, but since I'm at home, I'm trying not to get distracted by my surroundings. My first paper starts pretty late so I was planning not to go back early but we'll see how that goes. I wouldn't say degree life is easy but I think I'm trying to adapt to it and so far everything is okay. I'm just scared to see how my first so-called semester for degree will be like. I know degree is a lot tougher than dips but I hope everything is okay. So, few days left before we finally embrace a brand new year. I'm really looking forward to see how my 2018 is going to be like. I dont ask for much, I just want 2018 to be a great year for me. May 2018 be filled with joy, laughter, smiles, great things and everything nice. I hope 2018 will be kinder to me. Oh and my love life? I'm sticking with the current one. The one that has always been in my heart since day one. I dont think my heart can settle out for anyone other than this person. This person has changed my whole perspectives on life. Even if I didnt end up with him, my heart will still be with him. All I wanted was for him to be happy. I always asked myself whether I'm never good enough for anyone or was it because I'm too choosy when it comes to picking a life partner? And ofc I have the answer, only I know the answers to my questions. Maybe I was being very choosy, but then again, it was for my own good. I always wanted the best for me, and I think it is okay to be choosy especially when it comes to this kind of matter. Making decisions about something that is going to be permanent in your life is so important. I know it is still too early for me to say this but.. I think I would prefer to be alone, maybe for as long as I want or I dont know, forever? But who am I to say that, I dont know what the future holds so yes, I'll follow the flow but I wasnt hoping too much on meeting someone new or learning to accept anyone. I'm just not in the mood. I think what I feel for that person is already enough to make me happy. Yes ofc I'll get lonely at times but I prefer this way. To those who waited for me, please stop. I dont want to hurt anyone, be it intentionally or unintentionally. I choose to be alone and I dont mind about it. I do believe that love does not necessarily to have someone by your side. Just as long as what you feel for someone is pure and sincere, that is already enough. You can love someone from afar and pray for their wellbeing. One of the best things you can do for someone is to pray for them, I believe it is one of the greatest gifts you can give to someone because you're giving them without them knowing which makes it more special. I'm a deep person. Sometimes I get really weird and quirky. Sometimes I get really serious and angry. I am very unpredictable which makes it hard for people around me to understand me. I dont know how to express what I feel, and yes, sometimes they misunderstood. I didnt mean to hurt people around me but I did anyway. I tried to make time for everyone but I couldn't. Some of my friends thought I have forgotten about them but little did they know, I always pray for their happiness. You see, things have been so hard for me but that doesnt stop me to be a better me. I will strive hard to make myself proud. One thing I know is, I will live for God. No matter how hard it gets, I'll stand strong. I'm sorry if this post gets too random and have a great day, everyone! xoxo