degree life equals to busy busy busy

Hi, hi and hi! It has been a while since I last posted. How long has it been? Months, I'd say. Anyways, how are you guys? Doing good? No? Its okay, its just a bad day, not a bad life. My life is quite hectic with all these assignments, tests, quizzes, not to forget group works! I'm literally dying (not really). I know that I should be studying, but why am I procrastinating? I feel like I'm doing something without my own will. I feel troubled. I feel like this isn't where I belong. Why though? I feel so demotivated. Every day feels like a bad day to me. I'm scared of what's gonna happen the next day because it just gets worse. Things never go my way and sometimes I just feel like I'm being cursed. I'm not even surprised if something bad is going to happen for these upcoming weeks. Oh, and it is, of course, the last month of 2017. Am I excited? Hell yes, and can 2018 please, please and please treat me nicer? because 2017 is a total jerk! The only thing that made my 2017 not so bad was that I graduated my dip on time aaand my sister's convocation day. The rest? Oh, you don't want to know. The reason why I didn't update as much as I did when I was in diploma wasn't really because I have no time, although it is one of the reasons, but mostly because I don't feel like posting. I had a major mental breakdown a few weeks ago. I don't think I have depressions but I'm just so demotivated. Sometimes I feel so weak I can't even do anything. I hope everyone is having a good life bcs I don't. Why do I always compare myself to others? Why? I'm sick of it but I'm still doing it. Can I just disappear for a day or two? I'm so tired of everything. Why do we love someone we can never have? Why do we like to hurt so much? The pain is unbearable. I'm tired of having feelings. Is there any way to completely remove feelings? Is that even possible? It's so hard to be positive these days. I wish things would've been easier. Stay safe guys, xoxo!