future ♥

Hi! How's it going? I'm currently enjoying my way-too-short mid sem break which almost coming to its end. I have about two days left before I get back to my hectic life, which will be more hectic than before. Trust me, it will get worse when all tests merged into one. I still remember getting thru 3 test in just two days. Three killer papers for this semester. I have a lot in my mind, mostly about my future. I envy my sister a lot, she is truly a beauty with a brain. Luck is with her as she will be going to Japan later for an internship. I'm so proud of her. I do wish I was as smart, hard-working as my sister. But we're not the same person. I'm like the opposite of her, the troublemaker. But I'm a good kid, my mom should be proud of me haha. I'm very lazy when it comes to something I'm not really passionate about. Am I smart? so-so. Every single day, I thought to myself, will I be able to get through all this? Will I be able to graduate on time? I'm scared of these questions that keep popping in my head. I hate "what ifs" so much. I just want my parents to be proud of me, also do what I love at the same time. I'm currently majoring in accounting information system which combines accounting and system. Am I passionate in these two? Tbh, not really. But I know, my parents want me to major in this one. It's so hard being compared (well maybe not but that's what I feel) to another person in your family. How do I get better? How do I improve myself? I just wanna be better, a better version of me. But I don't wanna push myself to the limit. Am I depressed? Not really. I'm just sad knowing facts that I'll never be good enough. I know I can do so much better but I didn't. I've put this behind me but still, it haunts me sometimes. I shouldn't underestimate myself. I know I have to be stronger than before. They say, if you're tired, get some rest, not quit. I've been to the point where I almost feel like quitting. I lost my motivation, my spirit. I have no idea where it went, but I know it's coming back, slowly. I just need that spirit back. Some days, I just wanna lay in my bed all day. Okay back to what I'm here for. Yes, my future! I have plans but I know God's plans are far better than mine, so I dont put high hopes. I'm just gonna go with the flow and hope for the best, but ofc with efforts :) I really want to further my studies to a higher level, I wanna learn more! I'll nail this. In shaa Allah! Stay positive, guys!