Egoistic?

Um hi there! How's life? Mine was okay, not great, just okay. Yes, I'm sure you've seen the title just before you click to read this post. Egoistic? Before we jump into that. What is ego tbh? I believe that ego is our conscious mind, the part of our identity that we all consider our "self". A part of me also believes that ego is when a person did something to you and you feel like it's okay to avenge it back. Am I egoistic? Hm, I believe everyone is, and that counts me too. I hate to say this but I am an egoistic person. I tend to deny what I feel. When I like someone, I deny that fact. I guess it's just something you do to make yourself not look like an idiot. I guess so.. If not, at least that's what I feel. I hate how big my ego can get. I give full respect to those who lower their ego just to make things right bcs not everyone can do that. It takes a lot for someone to lower their ego. Even I couldn't do it. I know it's unhealthy for me, but in what way do I lower my ego? You see, most relationships ended because of a terrible misunderstanding. It was all because of this stupid thing we called "ego". If only we're not egoistic enough to keep everything to ourselves, and just said whatever we had in our mind. I'm still bothered by the past, I admit. It's not easy for me. I dont know about that "person" but it was definitely not easy for me. I just wish that I could wake up with amnesia. It's like a fresh start. I'd like that. Tbh, yes I miss. I'm still missing the same person. I may not have the courage to say this to him personally, but yes I still love the same person. I'm sure he's already into someone by now. I'm sure there's another girl that will make him happier than I did. Tbh, it was never really my intention to end it but I guess this is how God wants it to then so be it. I'm sorry.