Over and over again

Hi there! How's your day? Great? Mine was fine. JUST FINE. It's almost two and I'm still awake contemplating my life while writing this post. I always wonder what my future is like.. Every minute, every second of the day, I always wonder. What will I be in 5 years ahead? Who will leave and who will stay? They're always on my mind. I know, instead of overthinking and worrying for nothing, I should do something for my future self but there's a part of me is still missing. I still don't know what's missing and still trying to figure what it was. Too many still in a sentence, heh. Hm, people around me must be tired of me. Yeah, even I'm tired of myself. I'm very complicated, yes I admit. Someone told me that I already knew what I really want, I just dont have the guts to say it out loud, or I'm just too scared of taking risks. Hm, I dont think so. I still dont know what I want. Or I did but it's almost near impossible and so I stayed quiet, not saying a single word and keep denying. My struggles? I have a lot. I keep each one of them to myself. People might think they know me, but no, they dont. Why I prefer keeping everything to myself? Bcs no one cares and they will never understand. I guess I'll stay like this for a while. I'm not letting myself feeling down or anything, I just need to get back on track without anyone's help. I dont like having to depend on anyone because I'm sure I'll be just fine. I just have to be strong and keep the faith in my God. I'm sure God has better plans for me. In shaa Allah. Anyways, have a great day! xoxo